Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
