He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dick very happy bro
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize