Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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