You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A bitchslap is in order.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
