Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
