I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
