my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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