I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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