Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
