well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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