alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
