i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
