Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
