Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
