he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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