you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my being single is dangerous.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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