So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
