Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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