So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
