That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
