I am puke
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
