I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you win again, gameday.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
