my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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