I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
