I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
