Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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