insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
