I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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