You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
