The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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