dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
