More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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