is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
