No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
