you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
