I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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