big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
