tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
