dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
