I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
