i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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