apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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