I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize