so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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