I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Randomize
