I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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