how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
