i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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