I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
