I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this boner is exhausting
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
