I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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