If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
