i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
