I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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