How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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