Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
