In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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