I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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