I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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