I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
