In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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