he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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