at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
