Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
