Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
