Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
