dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My ass is underappreciated
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
