The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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