Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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