You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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