It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
