You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
