No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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