real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
