I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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