Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
