sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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