Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We're too hungover to prance.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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