im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
