I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
