Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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