weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Bring me that man meat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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