I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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