just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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