So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
