Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
only you would photoshop your dick
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
